Common Features of Retroactive Jealousy and Ways to Control It

Retroactive jealousy affects a lot of relationships and thus is one of the main destructive emotions. In this kind of Jealousy you feel envious due to a person who had been previous partner of your present partner. This may be everything from you dwelling over the fact that a former partner had a better paying job than you, to thinking that the former partner was more physically attractive. Believe it or not, retroactive jealousy is something that disturbs both men and women. However, you can easily overcome these negative feelings by different methods. Here are a few tips on how to do just that.

The most important step to solving retroactive jealousy is to acknowledge that this isn’t a problem that’s caused by your partner, nor is it a problem stemming from your partner’s other relationships. What many don’t realize is that the true root of the conflict is that you are insecure and afraid, and in engaging in retroactive jealousy, you are projecting these feelings onto your partner.

Unfortunately, shedding your jealousy may not always be easy, especially if your partner’s former partner still affects your life somehow, such as through joint custody of your children. In many cases, you may feel chagrined that your partner once intimately dated someone you knew. However, it is necessary that you dont allow your partner’s past to affect your present relationship.

Discussing your jealousy with your partner is one of the best way to get out of the situation. Let him or her know how you feel. An important part of any relationship is that you discuss your issues with your partner before they begin to fester and you will get rid of your envious inclinations. If needed, you may wish to include a relationship counselor as well. It is a common belief that a relationship counselor can handle it in the best manner. He or she can advice both of you besides assisting you to deal with such emotions. Best of all, there will be no secrets and no hidden grudges.

Another important part of putting your feelings of jealousy behind you is to examine yourself. Does your insecurity relate to the awareness about your partner’s previous relationship? Rather than endlessly comparing your physical appearance, paycheck, or other attributes to your partner’s past relationships, try to remember the positive attributes that your partner so adores about you. Doing so well help root you in the present as well.

Finally, if your low self-esteem is causing your feelings of retroactive jealousy to flare up, try looking at the negative parts of yourself from a distance. Is there any way to boost your confidence and improve yourself? If so, take matters to do so. If your insecurities are unsolvable, do your best to put them behind you. After all there is nobody who is perfect and as such your partner does not expect you to be perfect. Learn more today!